After finishing my search through the journals covering my 20's in Milwaukee, I found almost no usable material for my current project: the 50 piece poetry book. Seems like I poured everything of any importance into Kuderski and my 2 albums together. That's all good and fine, but I really did, and still do, have high expectations where my creative abilities are concerned.
There are two songs that didn't make the cut for my solo debut. I simply thought that my vocal delivery just wasn't up to standards. You know, I couldn't seem to get it out right. So, I'm reworking them both. Either way, the price of the album will NOT be raised. Meaning that if you buy the whole release, you'll have 14 songs for the cost of 7 songs.
Fortunately, I'm drawing inspiration from the novel I have been writing. No progress adding to the novel, but I've found plenty related to the deeper content of the human condition. "What's it all about" takes center stage for many of us, but especially during our 30's and later in life. Maybe it relates to more of us then because the days of our youth move further and further behind us, distant memories in a linear progression of time. Only time will tell, but the world seems far more promising now.
That's really all for now. To be honest, the day to day, humdrum roll of it all taxes me much greater these days. My last blog, that I wrote yesterday, addressed all of those subjects, so if you're interested in that sort of testimonial topic it's right there for you. I hope that this posting finds you doing well and in good spirits. If not, may you discover the root of your discontent, and tear that weed out of the ground. Take care, and best wishes to you.
In my last blog, I waxed poetic about my first true relationship that was both romantic and serious. I just read over that blog, and I think this time, I'm going to wax philosophical and only a little poetic about the relationship that I have shared with my life partner for the passed 13 years, 7 months, and 19 days. We have shared highs and lows for certain, but their are traits of my partner and I that keeps us together. I would like to explore those here with you.
I'm not really a fan of posting a lot of memes. Over time, I've come to consider most of them to not really say much of any importance. Sure, I've had my favorites, most of which I'll add on my 2 cents about what is said. One thing ties most of them together, I suppose.
I reach out to those whom might be going through a rough patch. I have always considered myself to have a vagabond mentality, the heart of a black sheep, and have been dubbed by many as an old soul. As William Patrick Corgan (Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins) penned: "I sensed my loss before I even learned to speak." So I guess it's just in me to identify with wallflowers.
There's a Catch 22 there. Get too close and you get hurt, but you have to see people in order to help out, if and when you can. My trouble lies in that delicate balance in my life. So, I tend to walk outside of it all, with my heart on my sleeve. I do my best to be kind, true, and necessary in my thoughts, words, and actions. That's how I live with myself, day to day.
I met my life partner in that way. We share the same kind of heart, mind, and soul. Our weaknesses and strengths mostly compliment each other, and we are both talented and skilled in artistic means and ways. We are by no means perfect people, but it's my firm belief that we are perfect for each other. For me to ask for anything more is foolish, pretentious, and pointless.
So, as you may have surmised, I love him dearly and our relationship is anything but sensible for me. But I will never cheat on him or look for any romantic or relationship other than ours. When I cheated in my past, I lost everything and almost everyone for whom I dearly cared. I am by no means willing to part ways with my partner, everything I have gained, and everything that I have accomplished since. That may seem completely self-interested; but if I don't care for myself, how am I supposed to care for anyone else ?
With that, I think that I have said everything that needs said. It has been brewing within for a good amount of time now, and I have written all of this in one, convoluted stream-of-consciousness, and in one sitting. I will probably go back and make grammatical and spelling alterations, but that is really all. I hope that some of this may have helped somebody else, in whatever way it may have helped, but mostly it was necessary in order to help me to make sense of everything in my mind, heart, and soul. Take care of yourself, and take care of everything that you prize, and of everyone for whom you care. Goodnight and best wishes to you.