I was too afraid to leave you, because everyone marveled at how you and I were the perfect match. And you were such the perfect guy. You know, the one who would fall apart and kill themselves if I left.
So I stayed, and hurt you as many ways as I could. I pursued an old flame, cheated on you twice, ruined our minds with drugs... but you were the perfect guy so you could never leave.
And then, you came back to my dorm room one night. And you told me "I have to go", and in that moment we understood: that was the end. So we held each other, and cried, and then you left.
So... going from the perfect guy to the evil one, I obviously didn't deserve to exist. So... I stopped existing. Just kidding: I tried to kill myself, but didn't do that right, either.
So... I went back to my family, and gave up on everything. But I wanted to be the perfect guy again, so I pretended to be you, all perfect and a suitable suitor for suicide.
What I learned ? Part of me will always want to come home to you. Yeah, that part may never die. But I have a good life now. My partner and I are celebrating our 15th anniversary this Halloween. I'm writing daily, working on a book of poetry, a singer songwriter with 3 albums under my belt... I'm even devoting myself to earning my BA in Creative Writing at the University that I quit.
But even with all of the success and failure, I have been, and probably never will be, perfect. I'm human. A little better at not being a disaster, particularly because I have this strange connection with everybody else who isn't perfect. I think that it's called our common humanity.
So I say, yet again, goodbye. Have a wonderful internationally traveling life with the perfect job and the perfect match... and a big old fuck you for all of the guilt of never being good enough for you.
Because before all of the hurt I caused you, I knew that. I knew that I needed to go, but undeniably you would have killed yourself, then I would have killed myself, and neither of us would ever stop being perfect.
And I just couldn't live like that.