Do people who say they're real honestly mean it, or understand what it represents ? I would love to know this, too. Is it just something that a few people say ? Or does it actually stand for something ? Does it even matter ?
Sometimes I doubt myself in this respect, just as I doubt others around me. I fight myself every day, battling inside for my own sake. The world outside of me has one answer about who and what I am inside. I fight for my soul, my true nature, but my mind is flawed and weak. Every positive thing that I achieve daily is discounted and taken as a lie; all perceived failure, a reason why I don't deserve to exist.
"The whirling dervish of the world surrounds, but my heart still bleeds with the curse of needs."
I wrote that lyric in one of my least hopeful songs. All that I can deduce, from all that I experience daily, is that I need to feel emotional heartache when I am out among my fellow human beings. It's the one thing that restores my peace, my sense of wholeness.
Is that what it means to be real ?